Selflessness vs. Negligence

I'm gathering myself a bit for this post; the tone could waiver while I'm writing.

After having Epilepsy for almost four years, I can moderately judge what will bring on a seizure. The biggest cause is sleep deprivation; during my EEGs that was the only method we could use to cause me to seizure for testing purposes. Another cause is Caffeine; more than two regular sized cups of coffee and the percentage goes up that I'll at least feel small "tremors," which I've come to understand as a warning sign.

The most interesting cause of my seizures is change in routine. I sleep a lot more the average man and if I sleep too much or too little, basically any fluctuation in my day-to-day life is a risk. I do drink Caffeine in small doses because I think it pulls me up while all of my seizure meds and anti-depressants fade my concentration and cause my eyes to close.

After losing my job in December, my cycle has had it's ups and downs but I've weathered fairly well, plus my driver's license was reinstated, so that has been a huge key to my mental state.

The topic of this post is selflessness vs. negligence. Our kitten has been a huge support for us; we can just feel the warmth she provides to our small space. She's not even a year old and she's fallen very ill. We've been talking to the Vet and numerous other cat owners and they've all been very supportive. We're force feeding her and giving her water through a syringe every hour. To say the very least Sara and I are struggling.

Two nights ago I stayed up until 8am, watering her every hour. This is just insane; why would I risk having a massive seizure? I just can't look at her and see her little eyes begging for help. She hates being watered and fed with a syringe but it necessary – she just can't understand this.

What else can I say? Xanax is being taken like M&Ms lately.