Saturday, June 29, 2013

Street Light

I rode my bike this afternoon and I felt a rush of memories from my childhood. It was a foggy, muggy summer day and it looked just like a day when my friend Andy would visit. There was a medium-sized corn field behind my house with a dense forest just beyond it. Inside the forest were motorcycle trails and unlimited places for two 10 year olds to start a fort.

Our forts were like castles in our minds; to us there was an intricate and detailed layout complete with our own bathroom (for "number one" so we didn't have to come running home every ten minutes). We whittled sticks to make fencing and tried on numerous occasions to make a bow and arrow with sticks and a vine... unsuccessful, but we thought that if the stick flew five feet, then it was the real thing.

Thinking about all of this reminded me of how little we thought of time. We only thought about when we had to be back home for lunch and dreaded the street lights because that meant the end of our day exploring the woods.

If only being an adult had just a hint of a child's sense of time; we look days, weeks, and years ahead instead of what's going on in front of us. This is why time goes by so fast.

Today is not unlike when I was ten. Sara and I wake up everyday to build our fort and explore the very thick forest all around us; and when the street lights come on, we head home and end our day together.

Tuesday, June 25, 2013

Déjà vu

So far I've experienced five seizures in a day and a half. I'm still feeling the "aftershocks" and long aura's, which is a déjà vu feeling that warns me that a seizure in coming.

The aura's lately feel like being in love. I'll be listening to a song, for example, and it's sounds are beyond familiar, they sink inside me and warmth fills the pit of my stomach; they feel so good that I want to cry; I joked with Sara that people would pay good money to have an aura because it feels so good. Of course in my case, I know a seizure is coming so I don't have much time to embrace these feelings. I search my pocket for my VNS magnet and swipe it over my chest to activate the device. By this time, the seizure has started and the warmth turns to pain and agitation.

Lately, I haven't been losing consciousness; only once in the past month or so. Though I'm staying awake, I have to ask Sara if I did pass out because they're so intense that my memory is clouded.

After these seizures, a headache comes over me like no other I've experienced before contracting epilepsy. I'll walk around the house (if I can) and start to notice things in the house that are different than I remember from just hours before. An example could be the dishing being washed, although I don't remember doing them. Did I wash them? Did Sara wash them? I'm not sure.

This can also explain why I seem to reiterate a lot of the same subjects over and over in this blog. I don't read past posts for this reason; I just feel like each new post is unique and special.


The new treatment I'm about to start (no new news there) will start soon. It is compiled of a blood plasma based product so I'd like to encourage all of you to give blood if you can. I've included information below. Thank you.