Wednesday, May 16, 2012


I've always said to myself that I never knew what addition felt like. I didn't understand how people couldn't stop smoking or drinking or shopping, etc. I'm making a sort of "life style change," and when I look back at how I lived (keep in mind it's only been a couple weeks), I realized that I have a sudo-addictive personality. 

Of course, I'm on medication that would take some weening off if I didn't need it anymore, but now I'm looking at other aspects of my life and I've seen a lot of other trivial things that I am or would have a hard time quitting. 

I use food, alcohol, sometimes pain medication and shopping to ease anxiety and depression. It's very hard for me to admit this, but I think it's time to explore this aspect of my personality.

By no means am I weighted down by addition but I definitely justify my actions. "I need a drink because I had a hard day," "Let's go out to eat tonight to celebrate," "I can't sleep, I'll just take a Vicodin."

Once I started to ween myself off of the excuses I've been making, I realized that it's so easy to say yes rather than no to my comforts. I'm just starting this process so I'll update this blog over time, but I am willing to admit that it's harder than I thought to find new, more healthy ways to keep my mind from thinking.