Monday Countdown

On Monday I start the IVIg treatment for Epilepsy. I have to admit I'm a little excited, partially because I know that, in the hospital, I'll be safe from any side effects that could arise. I do like the hospital for some reason; it relaxes me to know that there are people there to help me. I don't have to be afraid that something is going to happen out of my control because these doctors and nurses have "seen it all before," as they say. I know that I can put my headphones on and think about my family and friends and how this will effect their lives for the better. Always having to worry about your son and husband takes a large toll, and it has show in the last five years. Five years this past Labor Day to be exact.

This summer has been, for a lack of a better word, horrible for me. I've had to sit at home and stew over the upcoming treatment; hoping it will help and worrying that it won't. I spoke to my therapist about what I've been doing to pass the time and my answer has been overwhelmingly... sleep. I find that once Sara leaves for work at 8am, I mull around the apartment for a couple hours, watch Netflix, then nap until it's time for her to come home; that's when I start my day, 5pm.

I'm very restless because of the Abilify the doctor has me on to counteract the seizure medication side effects, but a side effect of Abilify is something called akathisia, which is basically restlessness. I have another medication to counteract that but I feel like there is just too many chemicals in my body, you can just feel like there's too much; I don't know how else to describe it. I feel clammy and my eyes feel sunken and bloodshot. I have no energy, staring blankly at the TV might as well be a blank wall, the sounds around me are muffled and my thoughts seem to drift.

I've been indulging in my depression, drinking a bit when Sara gets home and eating junk food to feel like I'm having a bit of fun during the day. It doesn't help, but there's that half hour where I think good thoughts and feel like today is going to be a good day, different from the rest.