Friday, December 20, 2013

Therapy at Home

A couple days ago I decided to take my therapist's offer to have a session over the phone. At first I was a little hesitant because I like to see her expressions when I'm talking about sensitive subjects, if you know what I mean. I think it's important to be able to look someone in the eye. What I realized is that, although is was only a ten minute conversation, it was far more useful in certain situations.

Sitting in my apartment, in my own element, and with no notes prepared, I could better translate my feelings to her. I've been having trouble communicating to her and to Sara about what is going on in my head. I feel as though the blog is the only thing I look forward to in my day. I mean, I look forward to Sara coming home, but during the day, there's a ten hour lull where I have nothing but my thoughts to consider.

What I've come to realize is sort of what my Mom says about her sleeping better when she knows that her kids are in the house; like when we come to visit in Beloit. I feel the same way when Sara comes home. She enters the door, we eat, I take my medication and, knowing she's safe at home, and I'm safe if I have a seizure. I immediately get very tired. I've been going to bed around 8-9pm lately and waking up in the middle of the night to watch a movie to put myself back to sleep.

I don't have much to say, because I haven't had a seizure in awhile and they usually are the inspiration for my writing. That's a good thing but therapy is only helpful if there's something to talk about.

Wednesday, December 18, 2013


There's a slight confusion for someone who's in the hospital a lot. By that, I mean there's a part of me that misses the security of being in a safe place that, if I have a seizure, I know there's people to help me, and give them up-to-date information on how I'm feeling, and get information from them on how I can personally treat my symptoms.

I've written about this before, but there are days when I feel that a seizure is possible (my Epilepsy Twitter friends will understand this feeling). It's like a twitch in my brain; like a split second of my life is taken from me. Imagine someone taking to you and one of the words is missing from their sentence. Along with that is a dizzy sort of haze. It's not like what I describe as an aura, just a slight twitch.

A couple days ago, Sara and I were in a store. We split up to look at items in our respective departments and I was looking at watches (I'm on a watch kick again) and while I was looking at one watch, I had the twitch and all of the sudden I was looking at another, different watch. This happened several times.

I can't explain why I have these days, but I can guess that it was because it was hot in the store and it was very busy due to the Christmas season. Sara and I both know that temperature and stress are a couple of strong factors for me having a seizure, so it's no surprise that I was having these "seizure symptoms."

I didn't end up having a seizure, which is obviously good, but I know that in the next couple of days, I should be cautious.


I've been thinking about my style of writing lately, and I've come to understand that I write the way one would have a serious, spoken conversation. I have a friend who's a writer and after reading some of his work, I can tell the difference in the way we approach writing. I don't necessarily think my style is wrong, given the fact tat I'm not a trained writer, I just hope, and wish to learn a little more about proper writing style.

There are trained writers that write with a similar style, I know this, and I think a conversation-style is easier for most people to read, but I hope in the future, my style will become a little more polished.


I'd like to address my last post about our willingness to have a child. By no means are Sara and I trying to have a child at the moment or in I foreseeable future. I was simply stating that I think it's wrong for someone in our situation to be denied the opportunity.

I have a Twitter follower who was recently cleared to have a child by her doctors and it has got me thinking, and, to be honest, it has been weighing on me... us. I will become a father someday. I know I'll be a good Dad. It's simply a matter of health and priority. I want my child to come first, then my health. I would being doing my baby a disservice to bring him or her into this world and not be able to give it my full, undivided love and attention.

Sunday, December 15, 2013

A Child

Since having Epilepsy, I think Sara and I have put our desire to have a family on hold. It's not like we were exactly ready to start a family in 2008, but the option was always on the table.

Now, it's a different story. My IVIG treatments are over and the doctors seem to want to work on my medication "mix" for now... something I've been gravely afraid of since I've had so many problems in the past. I have been to four different hospitals since 2008 and Mayo Clinic is the one that we both seem to trust the most, because they are willing to take the appropriate risks.

By that, I mean, they needed to see how my brain worked by having me off my medication in the EEG last November and they have at least tried to have me in various treatments before going ahead with new medications. Don't get me wrong, I trust NW, but the years we've been with them haven't exactly been the greatest, psychologically.

I wanted to officially state in this post that I want to start a family, but Sara and I are not exactly sure if we are "allowed" to have a baby, given our current situation. I don't believe that anyone should be unable to start a family, but I don't want to bring a child into a world where they are not number one on our list of priorities.

This is a post where I'd love to hear my reader's feedback. I believe Sara and I are good people who deserve the opportunity to start a family, and everyone around us would agree, but we can't get it out of our heads that there may be some people out there that would disagree.

I love my wife and I love my family. We have supporters, and I know the baby would be welcomed with open arms... literally. Our therapist said to us this past week that there will never to a perfect time to have a baby. I believe her, and I know I'd be a good Dad. I'd most likely be a stay-at-home Father, and I think... No... I know I'm up for the challenge.

Life... bring it on.