Days & Days

This past Saturday was probably the best day I've had since being "sick" (I don't like using that word... and I really shouldn't). Sara and I went to the Bay View Bash in Milwaukee with our friends Paloma and Todd. I treated myself to a couple beers (you heard that right) and I felt great. It was dark, there were fire jugglers, guys with dreads running around in their boxers, people with painted faces halloween-style... it was just weird and fun.

Then last night I felt so tired (even after resting Sunday), this usually means I'm prime for a seizure. I was having little ones where I start the dreaming feeling and I get really dizzy on the right side of my brain. Lately I've been noticing that I go blind in my right eye while this is happening. Sometimes this follows a full seizure where I'm totally unconscious and sometimes there's just the small "awake" seizures. They feel the same so I have to find a place to sit where I won't hurt myself if I go unconscious, kind of like a dog finding somewhere to die (sorry for being morbid but that's what I'm thinking while searching fast for a couch or section of floor, moving sharp objects away).

Sara insisted that I go to bed at 8:00pm last night. I agreed after a little push. While sleeping I dreamt horrible dreams. It's fascinating how the mind can come up with such dreadful scenarios. I woke up several times where I had to wait a second to realize I was awake... kind of like you'd see in movies or on television.

Now, this morning I'm exhausted from so much sleep. I'm trying to look up topics online that will change the way I'm thinking but all I've done so far was look up old photographs from college or just after I graduated. I have them stored on my external hard drive at work. Sometimes looking at them reminds me of what is was like to have so little but so much to live for... if you know what I mean.

I'm just thinking there's days and then there's days...