Greener Pastures

A fault of mine is that I'm always looking for the better deal or comparing myself with someone else's wealth in life, monetary or not. Money is always an issue but it seems as though we all end up at zero in some point in our lives.

Failure is an interesting word. To say to yourself that "I tried and failed" is really not a failure at all. If one learned from that experience and grew, only then would an individual really be prepared for the next phase of their life. Sure there's the initial shock and realization that things didn't turn out the way you planned but a lot of the time, if not all the time, things do have a way of working themselves out. Twenty years could pass and you'd think back to your so called "failure" and believe that was the turning point you needed in your life and shaped who you are today. You can only really fail if you give up and give in to the feeling of doubt and depression.

I'm a victim of doubt and depression. I've given in to the initial shock of failure and have done something awful to myself as a result. That incident was less than a year ago, in a circumstance less trivial than I'm experiencing at this very moment.

Looking back on this year I could say it started bad and ended even worse but this might've been one of the most enlightening years of my life.

I've learned about people and the social genre of a business' successes, whether on the up or down. I've learned that talking to a stranger can be used as practice for my vocabulary and temperament in a real-life conversation or social setting. I'm just now learning to accept my shortcomings and be who I am at the risk of losing a friendship, a career or material possessions.

Yes, I'm an over-weight epilepsy patient with no driver's license or nest egg. I may feel like I'm falling further and further behind the skills necessary to be a successful designer or photographer – both fields that burned white hot beneath my skin years ago. I could list off a list too, too long; I think we all could.

I may not be a strong man, but I know that deep down I'm trying to be a better man... a good man. A man that will give without the urge to receive. A man at peace, though sometimes it may seem as though his life is in pieces. A man who loves his family and would give himself up to make a better life for those around him. A man not afraid of death or pain, but is thankful for every minute of life and good health. A man who works for a better future while maintaining Mindfulness. A man who sees greener pastures but understands that his pasture was dealt to him by god.