Yesterday

Yesterday was hell. I could've just left it at that, but I wanted to clarify to all of you exactly why I would write that.

I wrote a post yesterday... all day actually, in spurts. I just couldn't post it because it hurt too much. I thought by writing down exactly how I felt yesterday that it would somehow drive me out of my severe depression, but it only seemed to make it much worse.

I have a feeling that this post is going to take all day to write, as well.

I tried everything set before me to help, but I just had to "ride it out". By the time that the depression started to fizzle away, it was time for me to go to bed at 9:00pm. I'm never sure as to why days like yesterday, and a smaller bit today, actually happen. They just happen. It could be the weather, bad news, or more likely... a seizure is coming.

It was very cold, but I thought that maybe some fresh air would help, so I opened a window, and took a short trip outside to the store next door to buy a bag of chips or whatever. That was around noon. I thought that maybe music would help, but the memories attached to that music sunk me deeper. I just couldn't think of anything that would at least give me a 15 minute break from the pain I was suffering.

It's obviously a chemical imbalance, because there were, and haven't been, any clear signs as to why these episodes start. I'm trying to be "matter of fact" with this post and not dive into the past to churn up any bad thoughts or actions that I may have took when dealing with these issues in the past. If you know me, or have read this blog, you may have an idea as to what I'm talking about.