You've completely destroyed my life. Everything that was once looking up is now dead and buried. That's all I can say without getting too upset and risk having a seizure.
There is a good thing that has come out of this hell. I became more close to my family, especially my wife. My wife and I loved each other before my first seizure, but neither of us really knew how deep love can actually be.
After I had my first seizure, I no longer feared death. If fact, I thought that death was just around the corner. Years later my fear of death has returned.... Slowly. This is good news to me because it's a sign that I value life and want to get better, no matter how little the chances are.
There's no advice I could give myself after my first seizure because the medicine side effects make my emotions uncontrollable. I would forget the advice during one of my psychotic episodes caused by the meds. I only recently have been able to recognize when such an event is inevitable and put myself in a safe place. It's very similar to a seizure aura.
I know I'm going to live with you for the rest of my life, but I know I can't let you control my life. This seems nearly impossible because you have such a tight grip on my psyche.
Basically, fuck you... and thank you.
I have a similar sentiment with my son's epilepsy. I hate it with everything that I am, but it has taught me to be a better father. It's impossible to reconcile.ReplyDelete