Saturday, March 26, 2016

Open Letter to My Seizures

I'm taking part in an epilepsy writing study and one of the assignments was to write an open letter to my seizures, and I thought I'd share it with you.


Dear seizures,

You've completely destroyed my life. Everything that was once looking up is now dead and buried. That's all I can say without getting too upset and risk having a seizure.

There is a good thing that has come out of this hell. I became more close to my family, especially my wife. My wife and I loved each other before my first seizure, but neither of us really knew how deep love can actually be.

After I had my first seizure, I no longer feared death. If fact, I thought that death was just around the corner. Years later my fear of death has returned.... Slowly. This is good news to me because it's a sign that I value life and want to get better, no matter how little the chances are.

There's no advice I could give myself after my first seizure because the medicine side effects make my emotions uncontrollable. I would forget the advice during one of my psychotic episodes caused by the meds. I only recently have been able to recognize when such an event is inevitable and put myself in a safe place. It's very similar to a seizure aura. 

I know I'm going to live with you for the rest of my life, but I know I can't let you control my life. This seems nearly impossible because you have such a tight grip on my psyche.

Basically, fuck you... and thank you.

1 comment:

  1. I have a similar sentiment with my son's epilepsy. I hate it with everything that I am, but it has taught me to be a better father. It's impossible to reconcile.