Entry before interview:
Tonight I had two very intense seizures, so I'm still a little shaken. Other than last night, today was one of the most optimistic days I've had in months. The warm fresh air was blowing through the window, I was listening to an ASMR video while coloring in the book Emily Ferko sent me.
I was coloring because this morning because I felt like I had come to the end of the sketchbook from the hospital experience, and had little memories left from the seizures I've had in the past. I'm actually trying to visualize tonight's two seizures so I can draw them later. My memory is bad right now, and my blood sugar is low so I'm having a hard time concentrating. I ate some pizza and now I'm writing late at night, waiting for the food to hit my bloodstream.
So, as of right now I'm both excited and concerned. I shouldn't be either of them because if I'm too excited, I tend to get nervous, and when I'm too concerned, I get worried... two seizure triggers. I should just treat tomorrow like any other day. Just relax and enjoy the ride, because I know I'll do a good job, and I have little hope that I'll actually get the position. This sounds depressing, but it is actually helping me.
I get to try Uber for the first time which will be fun for when I need or want to go somewhere in the future. That's what I should be excited about. Plus, I get to have lunch with my friend and former boss, Joe, and talk about small things. I'm really more excited about that.
Entry after interview:
Today had some trials that I wasn't expecting. I had a seizure at home while getting dressed and ready for the interview, and after the interview they popped a surprise design project in my lap for me to complete within an hour.
Obviously, I was worried about the seizure and having another one during the interview, and a little flustered and shaky about the quick design project that I wasn't expecting. I even called my friend and former boss, Joe, to tell him that I was worried, and he assured me that everything was going to be ok, and to just go with it. Everything turned out just fine. In fact, I feel like I thrived; an experience that I haven't had in a long time.
The interview went well from my perspective. All of the typical questions were asked, (what's your greatest strength/weakness type of things). I was nervous, but no more nervous than I've been in other interviews.
After the interview I was pumped. I called Sara right away because I knew she was concerned that the interview was running too long and that maybe I had a seizure and was sent to the hospital or something. Then I walked down the street to a pub where I used to frequent to have lunch with Joe to talk about how things went. I was in a great mood, and we ate an early dinner while making small talk. It was nice to reconnect with him.
No matter if I'm offered the position or not, I had a hell of a day that I'll never forget. It was the first step in proving to myself that I might someday get my life back on track and put epilepsy in the back of my mind... where it should be. Thinking about it too much has been making me crazy... in some cases, quite literally.
Thank you ALL for your continued support. I couldn't have even walked out the door today without knowing that you're all there for Sara and I.
So wish I found you earlier. I recognize so much in what you say. It's a great comfort. Thank you.ReplyDelete
Thank you for your comment, it was a great surprise since I haven’t had the strength to post. It’s been a very difficult year. Thanks again ✌️Delete