Dreams

I'm going to jinx myself by writing this post but I've been feeling ok as of late. No new seizures to report. My voice is still very raspy every 11 seconds for 7 seconds, I'm still getting used to it. By the end of the day frustration piles up because the vocal chords are getting tired and my voice gets more and more hoarse.

On the personal side of things, there's no news to report. I've written it all before and I'm tired of reiterating.

I've been waking up with really good dreams for the last couple weeks. A lot of detail and I remember them very vividly when I wake up. The problem is waking up. I say to myself, as I start to blink my eyes for the first couple times in the morning that I wish I could never wake up from dreams. They've been positive and engaging, almost adventurous. I see old friends, make new ones and discover new places. I'm strong, confident and curious. Not once during these dreams did I think about my body, been self-conscious about my voice or my inabilities.

It's astounding. The same brain that's been holding me down the last couple years is the same brain that allows me to travel beyond all imagination when I'm asleep. The same brain that rives me with pain during a seizure is the same one that comforts me and makes me smile while my eyes are closed. The same brain that whispers thoughts of harming myself during the day is the same brain that fills me full of life in the night.