"Challenge"

On the topic of seizures, I had two last Friday. One small and one larger one where I didn't convulse but I did lose memory and couldn't understand words or communicate very well. This is disappointing seeing as though it was a month since my last seizure and we're upping the VNS, etc. Caffeine plays a big part I've noticed. I'm cutting way back, after all caffeine speeds my brain up and I need to slow it down; it's common sense that I'm just not heeding.

Yesterday I had a job interview. I would be lying if I said that the employment issue wasn't pressing. On the way home I just looked out the window and asked myself what the whole experience meant. Obviously, I was a bit disappointed with what I saw at the potential new company. Why did I take a valuable half day, with Sara sick, to travel? I felt confident and I spoke well (in my opinion); I did have a few moments where it took a second for words to come out when I tried to highlight a specific topic, like remembering terms, names, etc.

I tell interviewers that I'm looking for a "new challenge;" it's the truth but the word "challenge" has several layers for me. It would be nice to meet new people and hear new voices and talk about different subjects. How would I fare working with these people; where would I fall in the social network of a new organization?

In college, my ability to socialize had its ups and downs. As an RA in the residence hall I was very social and responsible, but at my internship at BVK, a big influential ad agency, I was small and overwhelmed. It was the same in school; I was relatively quiet and guarded in class. I would speak up in critique a couple times a week, but honestly I wasn't happy with the people in my class. I felt at times that they were putting on a show, using words and making hand gestures to make themselves seem like they were at a higher artistic level than the rest of us. Many times I was so frustrated that I would skip out of class at break and make my way back to the dorms to quietly sit in my chair and stare out of the window. I was probably thinking the same thoughts as last night after the interview.

I have always over-thought and taken life too serious; a good way to put it would be that I take life personal. Yeah. I'm going to coin a phrase; "Don't take life personal." I worked at an intellectual property law firm one summer, maybe I should call them and trademark that sucker.

Another piece of common sense I'm not heeding.