Wednesday, January 19, 2011

Today is Wednesday

Yes, today is Wednesday.

There was a five minute period of reflection after I just wrote the statement above. Not much has happened since my last post; that could be considered a positive or a negative. What I think about a lot is my desire to have a place to be. Lately, I've had a steady system of home - work - lunch - home - dinner - TV/movie - sleep. The weekends are usually wide open but just as unproductive; I almost crave the chance to do nothing.

I dream vividly. It's sad to look at the side effects of my medications and read "side effects may include vivid or disturbing dreams..." To be honest, even the disturbing dreams give me something new to think about the next day. I wonder how those thoughts entered my brain; am I really that creative to think of such things? If so, it would be a fizzle of the creativity that blossomed in my art and english classes during high school about 12 years ago.

I picked graphic design as a major in college because I thought it was interesting and safe; interesting on the creative side and safe on the financial side. After all, designers have a good chance of getting employment just out of school; no additional school is really required to make a living. When you tell your parents that you want to go to art school they usually seem to balk at the idea, asking how one can make a living as an artist. My parents weren't like that, they supported me fully and were proud to have a their son go to college; that made it very easy for me to concentrate on my education.

After school I fell on hard times for about a year, but eventually moved to Chicago and found a job. My boss needed photography done for brochures and catalogs so I began to learn and get very interested in the trade; I thought I could make a living while making art as a photographer. A friend got me into a freelance position at a newspaper where I had assignments nearly everyday after work; it was probably the most frustrating and rewarding time of my professional career. I constantly critiqued myself and found new techniques and equipment to make my work better and better. In my free time I used several vintage 35mm cameras to learn older techniques (before digital) while making art. I shot at least one hundred rolls of film and entered them into my computer electronically with a film scanner. I fixed up old cameras and probably got a little obsessive with the number of cameras and accessories I bought from eBay. Photography filled that creative need that has always followed me around; I was even a part of a black and white photography show at a local gallery.

Since 2008, I absolutely, I mean absolutely have no drive to pick up a camera. My equipment sits unless I need to shoot something in the studio at work. Even if I see something that I would've probably photographed in the past, I turn my head and shrug. Part of me, sadly, is glad to not have the pressure of making good art. I was very harsh on myself and my photos; out of all those rolls of film I shot, I could probably only pick out twenty photos that I was proud of.

This blog is somewhat creative; I've been trying to learn more about punctuation and the proper way to express my thoughts (whether they're worth anything) in sentence form. I think I'm doing an alright job; I bounced the idea off Sara about taking a writing class, even if it's just for me I think it could be enlightening and an outlet for renewed creative energy.

Like I said before, there's a desire to have a place to be. Right now, I'm thriving on complacency.

Tomorrow is Thursday.

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