The Short of It

I started a new job on a temp basis in Milwaukee about six weeks ago; it's a job with the potencial of a full-time position. I'm really loving it to say the least; I seem to fit right in.

Before today, the only problem I've had regarding the new job and my Epilepsy came a couple weeks ago where I had an episode and because my supervisor was "in the dark," she thought maybe I wasn't a team player when I left a little early (early being 5:30pm these days). I talked to HR and decided that she should know about my condition. I guess it gives me a little peace of mind to know that she's in the loop.

Today is the Monday after Easter weekend. Sara and I were able to stay in her Uncle's vacant condo while he and his wife were in Arizona. We both thought it would take some stress off our long, long weekend. Obviously, we were wrong.

Last night we both got back to the condo and wanted to go to bed around 8:45pm. That was fine, I knew I would need the rest for Monday. I seemed to sleep fine until around 5am because my CPAP was making my throat too dry. Knowing I would wake Sara up without it, I moved to the couch with a big headache.

After my alarm rang, I could barely move, but I thought it was because I was over-tired. I thought that drinking some cold water or tea at work would perk me up. Once I was ready and I started driving I became very emotional and started tearing up; I started talking to myself, as to say "Everything's fine, what's wrong with you?"

Once I arrived, I walked into our studio space feeling drained and on edge. It wasn't until then that I noticed that I had bit my tongue (a sign that I had a small seizure in the night), this realization sent me over the edge. I couldn't afford to have a seizure where I lost consciousness and lose my license and I couldn't afford to drug myself silly; what good was I then? The emotions rushed back and I asked my supervisor if I could leave. She asked what was the matter and I briefly explained what had happened. She said "go."

As soon as I left the building I burst out in tears and called Sara, who was still at the condo. I was near hysterical. She assured me that everything was fine, to calm down and to come back "home." I did.

I have a tendency to apologize after I have a seizure. I feel incredibly guilty. I felt as though I was abandoning my co-workers in the heat of a huge project. It was especially hurtful that they're still "in the dark," and could possibly make the same as assumptions my supervisor did weeks back.

There's no real lesson that I've learned from this one experience (yet), it's one of a million lessons I've had to learn in the last six or seven weeks. The answers won't become clear for months or even years from now.

 I have just enough energy now to finish this sentence and that's good enough for me.