Monday, July 29, 2013

Akathisia, Twitter

Akathisia is severe restlessness; it's a side effect of Abilify, which is for the depression caused by my seizure medication. For Akathisia, one of my doctors prescribed Propranolol. Notice a pattern? I'm supposed to take it "when needed" but it's been hard trying to notice when I need it or really need it. 

I took it just before sitting down to write because I found myself pacing throughout my apartment, I just can't sit and concentrate on a book or movie. I'm feeling it kick in now because I'm able to focus on the keyboard as I type and not on the thousand different sounds going on around me... a truck passing, a man talking on his phone, a dog barking far off in the distance.

I feel like I should've had this kind of medication at my disposal even before I was on Abilify; when I worked as a designer and had to sit at a desk and concentrate on my craft. I know this is a short term fix but right now, I'm able to think clearly and about what I want.

This past week I re-entered Twitter to see if I could find any other Epilepsy patients that I could get support from. It turns out (not unexpectedly) that there are many of us with the same intentions. I found myself "following" many different people, from different countries, backgrounds, and beliefs, but with one stark similarity... Epilepsy has changed their life as it has mine.

Another amazing discovery... a healthy portion of them use blogs and podcasts to bring their message to the world. Now, I find myself reading their stories as they read mine. I mentioned in a tweet that it's been a long time, possibly the first time, since I've spoken to anyone about my life with seizures that hasn't been a doctor, close friend or family member. 

My doctors have been pushing me to join some sort of support group, but it's not as easy for me to speak these words as it is to write them and get a response. I'm simply not ready to use my voice.

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