Last night while watching television with Sara, I walked into the kitchen and felt as though I was in a dream. Of course, I knew what was happening, and to be honest, I knew it was coming all day. I felt the little "ticks" where I lose the split second of time that I always talk about.
Once I reached the kitchen table, I sat down and waited for the seizure to wash over me. I felt my eyes getting dim, as Sara grabbed the VNS magnet from my right hand that was becoming numb. She swiped it over my chest several time to activate the device.
That's all I remember, and in fact, when I woke up this morning I thought it had been all a dream. I called Sara on her lunch break to ask her what happened... "Did I have a seizure last night?" She said that I head tilted to the right, my right arm started to stiffen, and I was babbling incoherent words.
Now I can expect as least two more seizures within the next couple of days; that's how my seizures work, they come in three's. The first one rocks my world and the next couple usually knock me out of the bad mood that usually comes with the first seizure.
That's the thing though... I feel great. I did start the new antidepressant, Geodon a couple weeks ago. Maybe it's doing it's job better than Abilify.
All I can say today is that I'm happy I thought it was all a dream when I woke up because the knowledge that I had a bad seizure does depress me. I just think to myself that I was doing so good, and just maybe this is the start of a long streak of being seizure-free. Not today, I feel strong, even with the knowledge that I'll probably have a bad week. What I'm going to do is be conscious of my health, drink some tea, and watch a movie that makes my laugh out loud.
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