Front of the Line

Good news! I'm being weened off Sabril! If you don't remember, Sabril is the anti-seizure drug that can cause peripheral blindness, so I had to do an eye test every three months. It definitely wasn't working for me; against me, actually. I was having the same amount of seizures, about three a week, but they were far more intense than I normally experience. Plus, there's this new phenomenon called "Todd's paresis" that started happening. When I have an intense seizure, half of my face droops, and is paralyzed.

Usually, when I'm being weened of a medication, the side effects can still linger, plus there's a risk of more seizures for a period of time while my body acclimates to the new mix of chemicals.

My last major seizure came in the doctors office (of all places), not in front of the doctor, but it was a doozy. Sara basically talked for me the whole appointment, because I was still recovering once the doctor came in the room. It was a hell of a day.

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I've been talking to Sara (more like complaining) about the mindset of people in the hospital. I've had to come to terms with this subject myself. It may be working for me in some regards, and against me in others. Basically, a lot of people believe that while they're walking around, going to appointments, visiting loved ones, etc. They believe that they're the only ones there, and the reason their in the hospital has to be the most important.

The reason I'm complaining is because I can see that kind of behavior actually works. The loud man in line seems to always get pushed to the front. It's a sad practice.

The day I had my seizure in the doctors office at NW, I fought the whole day for my story to get just ten minutes of attention. I was so stressed, but I tried to keep my cool; only Sara could tell that I really wanted to fucking scream. I was red, my blood pressure was reading so high that the nurse took it twice. I remember staring at the wall in the office while my eyes started going black, and the seizure began. I frustratingly called out to Sara, and I took out my VNS magnet.

At some point the doctor came in and started talking. Sara was my voice that day.