Why I'm Not a Dancer

I can remember a time when I could dance. Not well, but just have the confidence to stand in front of people and move around in a way that it looked something like dancing!

I'm not talking about slow-dancing, that's relatively easy. I'm talking about really standing up to a good song and letting my freak flag fly. I can remember as an RA in college we would put on Daft Punk and dance around the office during late nights. Just being young and silly.

I enjoy music a lot... I mean A LOT! Hell, I played drums in two church bands growing up. Now I just enjoy it to myself. Sara and I talk about music quite a bit and she knows this fact. I grew up with my Dad blasting oldies rock in the garage for all the neighbors to hear as he worked on cars, and my Mom singing to the latest records on the car radio... full volume!

I remember when I was 16 or 17, I went to a No Doubt/Weezer concert in Milwaukee with friends from high school. I danced up and down the steps and in my seat. But we went to a No Doubt concert recently, and all I did was stand and try to take the whole experience in. I probably looked like I wasn't having a good time, but in actuality it was one of the great musical memories of my life.

So why this change? Why do I sit and scowl as I hear good music and watch everyone else have fun and dance?

Some would say that it has to do with the fact that alcohol isn't involved as much anymore, and I'd agree to a certain degree. But if I really think deep I can remember having confidence that soared through the roof when it came to music, I just didn't give a shit during my late high school and college years. Who really does?

I think back to when I started to really listen to MY music. It was in my formative years; a time where I just started to figure out that I was an individual. This scared the hell out of me. When I first started to listen to my own bands, and started to form my own opinions about the world, I became very depressed. There were times that I would listen to the same CD on repeat while I sat on the floor in my closet, sometimes falling asleep.

Music is therapy to me. Now, I'm not on the floor of my closet, but rather sitting in a hospital room listening to my iPod until I fall asleep. There's a connection there if you can see it. History repeating itself.

If this is true then there will be a time where I'm dancing at a concert rather than just standing and listening. There'll be a time where music effects my muscles and not just my emotions.

Someday please come soon.