Many of you know that this is not my first shoulder surgery. The left shoulder was broken during a seizure and I have a titanium plate with screws holding that one together. Thursday's surgery seemed less invasive as the incisions are small, but the pain level seems to be just about the same. The recovery time is similar, too. 16 weeks of physical therapy.
My family, and especially Sara, have been so helpful. They know that I still run the risk of having a seizure which wouldn't necessarily undo what the surgeons have done, but rather strain the muscles that are trying to heal, which would mean a lot of pain and discomfort.
I've been seizure-free for over a week after a bad two-three weeks of seizures and bouts of depression and anxiety. So far, so good. I did feel my anxiety level raise this morning as I knew it was going to be my first full day alone, tending to myself with only one arm. I've since sat down and tried to relax myself with TV and looking up places for our friend Jacqui from England to visit when she's here in Chicago at the end of October. Something positive to look forward to.
Today and in the days that follow are going to be tough, but I know that each day is going to get better. I'm going to learn how to live one-handed, and I'm going to be able to raise my threshold for pain so I'm not popping pain pills every four hours or so.
Hopefully when this is all over, I can put this behind me, not forgetting these days but rather using this experience, as I do with all experiences related to epilepsy, as a learning tool to prepare me for my life ahead. It's all going to be very slow, and I'm ok with that. I need time to get my brain healed and my mindset in the right spot for growth.