↑ x2

Today I'm having the VNS set to 0.5 milliamps, up from 0.25 milliamps. Right now my magnate is set to 0.5 milliamps and I was instructed to use the magnate to manually turn on the device everyday so I could get used to the higher amperage before my next office visit. The magnate will also be increased, this time to 1.0 milliamps.

I've been talking to my Case Manager at Cyberonics (the manufacturer of the VNS) and I asked her about some of the positive side effects of the device as they increase the amperage. She said it'll help with daytime fatigue, memory, and verbal skills. Sara and I were talking, kind of jokingly, about how I really need help in all these areas. Irene at Cyberonics said patients feel an improved sense of "well-being."

Obviously I can't complain about these side effects because they are so positive (I wish they helped me lose weight!). Ok, yes, I've slowly been gaining weight, it's most likely the fluctuating depression and complete lose of energy. When clothes I bought just last spring are barely fitting... well, it's disheartening to say the least. To be honest, most people would immediately get down about this or tell themselves that they're going to do something about it, but when I try on a newly ill-fitting piece of clothing I shrug and look for old clothes that used to fit before I was sick. This is horrible. These are the kind of feelings that I'm banking on the device aiding... I'm really putting all my eggs in one basket. My whole thought process is off and I admittedly need help in the psychological arena, but I still think it's scary that I need some sort of Star Trek, futuristic, alien mechanism hooked up to my brain to help with these feelings... and yes, to stop seizures.